


The Parts We Hide Away

by Ohmygodnighttroll



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders Era - Fandom, Wolfstar - Fandom, jily - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-07 12:42:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12841416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmygodnighttroll/pseuds/Ohmygodnighttroll
Summary: James has been in love with Lily since the day they met.Lily loves James too, she just doesn't know it yet.The idea for this fic came to me after watching a fan theory vid on Patronuses. Since its inception it has been inspired and fueled by the amazing HP rp and fan community on tumblr.This is also the first piece I've written in years that I'm actually excited about.Hope you enjoy.





	1. Late Night Confessionals

**Author's Note:**

> Characters, places, and general canonical things all belong to JK Rowling.
> 
> any similarities to other works were unintentional.
> 
> I was also inspired by other writers and will do my best to give credit where credit is due when the moment comes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After severing her friendship with Snape, Lily Evans finds herself in deep conversation with Remus Lupin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 takes place the evening following "Snapes Worst Memory" (OotP) and includes the scene outside the portrait hole from "The Prince's Tale" (Deathly Hallows). Dialogue credit for that particular scene goes to JK Rowling.

The air in the Girls’ Dormitory was stifling as Lily Evans settled herself into her bed. She was cranky and had left for bed early, not having even bothered with staying for the end of exam party that had been thrown in the Gryffindor Common Room. That had been two hours ago, and her comrades had come up to join her not long after that, but Lily found that it was too hot to sleep. She grumbled and kicked her blankets to the end of the bed, leaving just the sheet on top of her body.

  
As if O.W.Ls weren’t bad enough, that afternoon had sealed the deal. Severus had been her oldest friend. Even now she felt the hurt stabbing at her. Not just because of what he had said down at the Lake, though that had been the final straw for Lily. But Lily also felt the pain of what she knew she had to do. Cutting ties with a friend—even for a good reason—wasn’t easy, and Lily thought that it would take every ounce of strength she had to be able to go through with it. Compared to this her exams seemed easy. Not that her exams had been much of a challenge—Lily had always excelled at school.

  
Lily grumbled again, as she found her upper body was now too cold, and she just could not get comfortable. For the first time since her first year at Hogwarts, Lily was looking forward to going home for the summer holiday. No amount of disdain Petunia could throw at her could compare to the hell that had been the last few weeks. There were more than a few faces she was ready not to see every day.

  
As if on cue, or maybe because the universe hated her, Mary MacDonald broke the silence by barging into the Dormitory, an impatient scowl on her face.  
“Your Slytherin friend is squatting outside the portrait hole.” She said.

  
Lily groaned. So much for peace and quiet. “I’m not interested in anything he has to say,” she replied. “And you should be happy to know that he is not my friend anymore.”

“While that statement does bring me immense joy, I am afraid it’s going to be short-lived. He claims he is going to stay out there until you speak to him. He’s even threatening to sleep out there.”

Lily drew the curtains of her four poster closed around her, determined to shut out Mary and the rest of the world. This was the last on a very long list of things she wanted to be dealing with at the moment. “Tell him to leave.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried that, Lils?” Mary growled. “He won’t take the hint. It’ll have to come from you.”

“For the love of Merlin, I just want to sleep.” Lily groaned.

“So would the rest of us Evans, so would you please do us a solid and just go deal with him?” Dorcas Meadowes poked her head up from her own bed.

“Fuck. Fine.” Lily stood up, put on her dressing gown, and exited the dormitory. She paid little attention to any other Gryffindors who were still in the Common Room as she marched her way to the portrait hole.

True to tale, Severus Snape was sitting cross legged outside of the portrait hole looking determined to wait as long as it took for Lily to speak to him.

“You better have a damn good reason for being out here after hours,” Lily said. “Speak, and do it quickly, because I have half a mind to just give you detention.”

Snape stood. “I’m sorry.” He said.

“I’m not interested.”

“I’m sorry!” he repeated emphatically.

“Save your breath.” Lily growled. “I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep out here.”

“I was. I would have done.” Snape replied. “I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—”

“Slipped out?” Lily finished for him. She was so tired of having this argument with him. “It’s too late for that. I’ve made excuses for you for years! None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. I’ve been pretending for so long, believing you were different than your precious little Death Eater friends!”

When Snape said nothing in response to her accusation, she plowed on. “You see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t deny that’s what you’re aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”

Snape opened his mouth, then closed it without speaking. Lily sighed, she was both relieved and hurt to know she was right.  
“I can’t pretend anymore.” She said. “You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.” Lily made to go back through the portrait hole, but before she had the chance

Snape grabbed her hand.

“No!” he said. “Listen, I didn’t mean—”

“—to call me Mudblood?” Lily growled, yanking her hand out Snape’s grasp. She could barely stand to look at him, let alone allow him to touch her. “But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”

Snape struggled to say something but couldn’t. Lily glared at him for a moment, then turned and climbed back through the portrait hole.

The Common Room was almost completely deserted with the exception of Remus Lupin who was reclined sideways in an armchair by the fire, a book in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other. He never even looked up from his book as Lily slammed the portrait of the Fat Lady behind her.

“So I take it you heard all that,” Lily grumbled, inclining her head back towards the portrait hole. “Were you going to do anything about it?”

Lupin said nothing but shrugged his shoulders a bit.

“You’re a prefect, Remus.”

“So are you.” He replied.

“You could have handled this, made him go back to his own Common Room instead of squatting outside of ours!”

“Lily, I think I know you well enough by now to know that you would have hated me fighting your battles for you.”

Lily slumped into the chair opposite Remus, defeated. “I suppose you’re right.”

Again Lupin said nothing in reply.

“So what are you doing down here, Remus?” Lily prompted.

Lupin cocked a single eyebrow as he gestured with his book hand. “I’m reading, Lily.”

“Yes I can see that,” she replied coolly, “but what are you really doing here?”

Lupin sat up in his chair and took a long swig from his mug before speaking. “Look I know James was being a bit of a prat today—”

“James is always a prat.” Lily said, cutting him off. She did not want to deal with this now.

“You’re not wrong, but he was on another level today, and he wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry.”

Lily was quickly moving from cranky to cross. This was rich. “James Potter sent you to apologize? For his behavior?”

“Well yes and no.”

“Well which is it: yes or no?” Lily’s voice was raising, she was on her feet. The low simmering rage she had felt all day had finally come to a boil.

“Lily—”

“Because if James was really so remorseful he would have the bollocks to apologize to me himself! You tell James Potter that if he really wants to apologize he’ll have to stop hiding behind his friends!”

Remus snapped his book closed and set it on the end table. “Lily, James really isn’t that bad—”

“He is a bully!” Lily shrieked. “He may not have been the one to call me a Mudblood, but he’s the whole reason that it happened in the first place.”

“Lily, Snape should not have called you Mudblood at all.”

“He was frightened and angry, and it was your friend’s fault!”

Lupin was on his feet as well and he had a hand on each of Lily’s shoulders. He slowly eased her back into her seat. “You’re right, but the way I see it is this: If someone uses slurs like ‘Mudblood’ in moments of heightened emotion, especially against someone trying to offer them help, then they are probably too comfortable using it in casual conversation. You don’t know the kind of language he uses when you're not around.

“I know that he’s used that word before. Maybe not to describe me, but I know he uses it.” She stole Remus’ mug and took a long gulp of hot chocolate. “He tells me that I’m ‘different,’ that’s just as bad because I know I’m no different than the other Muggle-born witches or wizards.” She scoffed. “Not that you have to worry about my opinions on him anymore. Severus and I are no longer friends.”

“Lily, I have my own opinions of Snape. While I personally don’t think that he’s a good person, it gives me no pleasure to know that you lost a friend.” Remus conjured a second mug and poured hot chocolate into it from a tureen that was sitting on an end table. He handed the mug to Lily in exchange for his own. Lily let the warmth calm her ever thinning nerves.

“You must see the way he behaves, why do you make excuses for James Potter anyway?”

Remus sighed, “Probably for the same reasons that you make excuses for Sniv—for Snape.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“No, it’s not Lily. It’s not an excuse, but everyone has moments where they’re not bathed in the best light. I bet even you have something you regret doing in your past.”

Lily scowled. She had a few that she could think of. “But he’s such a—”

“A prat?”Lupin offered. “I think we’ve covered that. And yes he does have a way of putting his foot in his mouth—”

“That’s an understatement. He never thinks of the consequences of his actions, and he thinks any attention that he is given is good attention.” Lily filled her mug again. “how is it even possible to live with an ego that big?”

Remus laughed softly. “Search me.”

“I’m sorry,” Lily said earnestly. “I know he’s your friend and all, but I just can’t see past—I mean you heard what he said to Severus. ‘It’s more the fact that he exists.’ How can you hate someone for just existing?”

“I don’t think James meant it that way,” Lupin argued.

“But you understand what that sounds like right? The blood purists who think that people like us: half-bloods, muggle-borns, that we don’t deserve to live. How can you condone that?”

Remus sat for a moment, head in his hands. He was searching for the right words to say. “I don’t think James understands the privilege his Pureblood status earns him. That doesn’t make what he said okay—” he said, as Lily had opened her mouth to argue. “But with him, I know he doesn’t actually mean it.”

Lily didn’t speak again, so Lupin went on. “The reason I think that you’re hanging on to this idea that James is a bad person, is because you were wrong about Sniv—about Snape. And if you were wrong about Snape being a good person, then you have to entertain the notion that you were wrong about James being a bad person.”

Lily sank in her seat. Remus was right, and right now she hated him for it.

“There was a time where I was tormented for my clothes, my scars, for my health—I’m sick a lot in case you haven’t noticed. James was the first person to show me kindness in a time that no one else would.”

Lily looked at Remus, really looked at him. She had never really taken notice of his scars, because she had never thought that it was her business to look. She had never noticed how much his scars aged him. He seemed older and more world-weary than a boy of sixteen. Beneath his quick wit and genuinely kind heart, there was a deep seated sadness that Lily could never understand. She felt an overpowering desire to protect and take care of Remus like she had never known.

“Severus lives in the next town over from me.” Lily said. Her voice was barely above a whisper. The hurt over losing her friend was still raw in her chest. “He was the first person to explain magic to me, he was there when I learned I was a witch. Looking back I don’t know if we would have been friends if I had had anyone else to tell me about magic—he loves to lord it over me that ‘there are things in the wizarding world I just don’t understand,’ but those first few years that we were friends were nice. We were all each other had.”

“This is going to sound a little hypocritical of me, but you shouldn’t have to remain friends with someone out of obligation. You’re allowed to change, and sometimes that means leaving old friends behind.”

“So where does that leave you and James?” Lily asked.

Lupin smiled. “Well I guess I haven’t outgrown his friendship. James is still there for me. No matter what.”

“That sounds nice.”

Remus leaned forward in his seat, his eyes on Lily. “Can I confide something in you Lily?”

Lily gave a quick nod. “Of course you can.”

“And if I tell you everything that I need to make you understand, you promise to keep it a secret from anybody else?”

“If you’re trying to tell me that you’re gay, Remus I already know that. I mean unless you want to stick with the story that you and Black were really just ‘playing chess’ in that broom cupboard.” It was a terrible attempt to break the tension, but Remus smiled anyway.

“No. Well, I mean I’m bi, but that’s not the point… or what I need to tell you.”

Lily drew a cross over her heart. “I swear on everything I find sacred that your secrets, whatever they are, are safe with me.”

Remus refilled his mug for a third time and held onto it like a lifeline. His whole body was shaking. “So you know that the Whomping Willow is only a recent addition to the school grounds, yeah?”

“I’d heard that.” Said Lily.

“And as we’ve already discussed, I’m ill quite a lot. And my…my condition, it’s not something I can just go to Madame Pomfrey to remedy. I become…violent, and dangerous. I have no control over my actions during that time and so the willow was planted for me in order to distance me from the rest of the students during this time.” Remus paused for a moment to take another drink, then resumed. “The willow guards a secret passage out of Hogwarts that leads to that old ruin on the outskirts of Hogsmeade.”

Lily struggled for the right words to ask him what she already suspected. How many times had Severus raved at her about Lupin being “off” or “wrong?” Lily bristled at that thought, but she wanted Remus to continue talking. “When you say ‘dangerous’ Remus, what do you mean by that?”

Remus shifted slightly in his seat, his knuckles white against the armrests. “How much do you know about lycanthropy?”

There it was: the bomb was dropped. The secret that she and Severus had always suspected—well Severus had suspected, and Lily had been the voice of reason—was true. Because of Severus’ obsession, Lily actually knew quite a bit about lycanthropy. Suddenly, Lily found herself unable to look Remus in the eye.

“A bit.” She said to her lap.

“Then you know what all the books say about werewolves.”

Lily thought back to everything she and Severus had ever looked up on werewolves. She remembered reading about the Ministry’s ineffective policies concerning lycanthropes, and the wizarding world’s own biases against them. Even without reading about werewolves, she had heard whispers in the halls about people’s irrational fears concerning them. While Severus had taken everything from the books as gospel, Lily had found most of it rather hard to believe.

 _“He disappears every month on the full moon, Lily.”_ Lily could practically hear Severus screaming in her ear. _“Every month on the full moon. C’mon it doesn’t take a Pureblood to know that Lupin is a werewolf. And if that’s the case then they shouldn’t even allow him in school. A werewolf in school, what’s he going to do? Learn how to play fetch? Ha. If anything he’s just looking for more young witches and wizards to taint with his half-breed filth.”_

That particular thought made Lily angry all over again. “I know the books in the library give a rather backwards and antiquated perspective on lycanthropes and their prospects for a happy and normal life.”

Lupin scoffed. “God, I hate that word. ‘Normal.’ My parents have tried so hard to give me a ‘normal life.’ Making sure I always had everything I wanted, like spoiling me was going to erase the fact that we had to move halfway across the country after I was bitten, so the villagers wouldn’t find out my parents didn’t kill me, which is still what the Ministry suggests for bitten children.” Remus was doubled over his hands fisted in his hair. Lily could tell that he was crying, but didn’t want to say anything about it.

“I mean I get what they’re trying to do, but it doesn’t negate the shame of having to lock myself up once a month. ‘Being normal’ doesn’t help that if I let anyone near me during that time I could risk killing them or worse turning them. That’s not even bringing up the fact that I will probably never be able to have a family of my own.”

Lily thought back to one particularly vile book on lycanthropy that Severus had poured over for hours. Though common knowledge of lycanthropes lead to the discovery that during the full moon, werewolves lose all sense of human morality, Professor Picardy took this theory even farther to claim that once a werewolf is turned there is nothing human left in them. Werewolves were all wolf all the time, and merely wearing a wizard’s robes.

_Though they may wear the skin and the faces of the witches or wizards we love, they are not to be trusted or treated as such. For there is no way of knowing when or where the wolf may rear its monstrous head to devour more of our friends and loved ones. In the case of the werewolf there is only one solution: complete eradication._

Lily had scoffed at that. Where was the proof that there was no trace of humanity left? From everything she had seen, Remus was just as much of an ordinary wizard as anyone. He just had a little problem once a month. Who was Picardy or anyone for that matter to determine whether or not Remus deserved to live or have a family? After that she had left Severus to drool over Picardy’s text while she looked for literature of a more progressive nature. Though there was no known cure, there had been many developments regarding spells and remedies to help ease the transformation process.

“There have been so many advances though, Remus.” Lily protested. “Have you heard of the Wolfsbane Potion?”

“The Wolfsbane Potion hasn’t been proven effective yet.” Remus answered. “Though aconite does help stave off some of the pain I experience during transformation.”

Lily thought back to what she had read about werewolf transformation. Due to the wolf’s physiology, the turn is agonizing. Everything about a wolf’s physical makeup is smaller, so in order for the internal organs to shrink and reform, they first have to fail; a simultaneous heart attack, liver, lung, and kidney failure. The bones are broken and shredded in order for the wolf to appear. In short the human must die for the wolf to live. But instead of dying, the curse keeps the human alive and conscious for every excruciating second. A lump grew in Lily’s throat. What kind of life must Remus have known: going through this torture once a month for who knows how long?

“I’m so sorry Remus.” She reached forward and squeezed his hand. “That must be so lonely. I never knew.”

“That’s the thing though, Lily. Because of James, I’m not lonely anymore. You have no idea what he has done for me, how much he has risked—is risking, just so I don’t have to be alone.”

Remus was leaning forward, his forearms resting on his thighs. “The price of dealing with his ego is a bargain for everything he’s risked for me. How many people do you know who would willingly be friends with someone like me?” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, a gesture reminiscent of James.

“I don’t deserve the kind of loyalty and friendship he’s given me; I will forever be grateful to James Potter.”

“This sounds like a James Potter I could be friends with,” Lily admitted. “I’d really like to meet the James Potter you see through your eyes.”

“I’m sure he’d like that too.” Lupin replied with a smile. He moved to get up, but Lily stopped him.

“Wait!” she said. “There’s one thing still bothering me. So werewolves have to be alone during the full moon in order to prevent themselves from hurting anyone else, yeah?”

“You know the literature as well as I do, Lily.”

“So how is it that James and the others help you during the transformation without you hurting them? I mean if the whole point is to be alone—”

“Let me put it to you this way,” said Remus. “The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.”

Lily was dumbstruck, he couldn’t possibly mean.

Remus sensed the horror in her voice and became suddenly more alert. “No!” he said, “No. not like that. Definitely not like that! God what kind of monster do you—”

Realization dawned on Lily. “Oh God, Remus I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to assume!”

“That I would be so awful as to turn my best friends? You know how awful this curse is Lily, how could you even think so little of me to think I could do something like that to an enemy, let alone my own best friends?”

“I didn’t! I swear I didn’t! It’s just you used the word ‘pack,’ and—”

“No Lily, it’s fine.” Remus said sharply. “I know you didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

“But you have every right to be upset with me!” Lily wailed. “How can I get upset about people making assumptions about me because of my birth, when I go around doing the same thing?”

Lily was up on her feet, pacing in front of the fireplace. She was such a hypocrite. How could she possibly think that Remus of all people, could be capable of something so vile? Remus was one of the nicest people she had ever met, and here she was assuming the worst of him just because of a condition that he has.

And then Remus was there, gripping her shoulders and forcing her to stand still. His amber eyes bore into hers.

“Lily.” His voice was firm and steady. “I’m not angry at you. I know you didn’t mean it that way. I chose the wrong words to use.”

“But,”

“No buts, Lily. I accept your apology. To answer the question that is currently burning in your eyes: No. I didn’t turn my friends in that way. But they are in a sense, my pack.” Remus loosened his grip on her shoulders but guided her back to her armchair and sat her down before returning to his own seat. “Now finish your hot chocolate.”

Lily snickered. “Yes, Mum.”

Remus laughed too. “You sound like James.”

“I. Do. Not.” Lily replied, pretending to be offended.

“Okay fine. You don’t sound like James, but he always likes to say that I’m the motherly type of our group.” Remus leaned forward conspiratorially, “sometimes

I think they’re useless without me.”

Lily laughed for real this time. “It’s probably true though.” She took one last swig of hot chocolate and stood.

“Well I guess my plans for peace and quiet are all shot to hell now,” she stretched and headed towards the staircase that led to the Girls’ Dormitory.

“Goodnight Remus.”

“Goodnight Lily.”

Lily ascended the staircase with a newfound enthusiasm to read up on anything and everything she could find about werewolves, packs, and the properties of the Wolfsbane Potion.


	2. My Baby Just Wrote Me A Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily engage in a little summertime correspondence.

_July 1976_

_Dear ~~Evans~~ Lily,_

_Moony told me about the conversation you had before the end of term. He says you’re a sympathizer (you’ll have to forgive me for not speaking plainly in this letter, I didn’t want to give anything away in case the owls are being intercepted. You know what kind of trouble our Moony could be in were his secret to be discovered), so I must ask that everything he told you in that conversation remain a secret (see above)._

_I also want to apologize for my tactless behavior at the end of term. It was base of me to declare that someone is worthy of bullying simply because they exist. I assure you, I don’t believe that anybody deserves to be bullied. What happened down at the lake that was a culmination of many weeks’ worth of skirmishes between ~~Snivellus~~ Snape’s group of friends and my own. I had found out that he had been the one to hex little 1st year Alfie Davis to float along the corridors upside down and decided (mistakenly) that he needed a taste of his own medicine. While this does not excuse my actions, I hope that this helps you to see me in a different light. In the meantime I hope that you understand that I am not the brainless arse you think me to be. Or at least, I’m trying not to be. You make me want to be a better man, ~~Evans~~ Lily._

_Hoping you are well,_

_James_

Lily was shocked the first time she saw the Potter’s Barred owl at her window. Though James had always been one to pass her embarrassing notes—notes that she would later shred or set aflame without reading—at school, this was the first time he had sent her an actual letter. She gave the owl a few treats, and took the letter. To her own surprise, instead of incinerating or shredding this letter like she had all the others, she sliced open the scroll. She couldn’t help but laugh, James sounded like he was trying to write a letter to the Minister of Magic or the Queen, which made her wonder if James in his Pureblood family even knew about the Queen.

But with James’ letter came a sharp stab of pain. Now that she and Severus were no longer speaking, she was essentially cut off from the wizarding world. Her parents had had her stop her subscription of _The Daily Prophet_ because it upset Petunia, and most of her friends were Muggle-borns like she was. Her few friends from wizarding families were away on holiday, and Lily had had no contact with the wizarding world since she got back home.

Until now. Reaching for parchment and a quill, she sat down on her bed and wrote a letter to James Potter.

_Potter,_

_Why did you feel the need to write like Shakespeare? It’s weird, stop it._

_I’m doing quite well thank you for asking. Well, not so well that I’m not cross that Petunia stole my new 45 of David Bowie and replaced it with her Dolly Parton like I wouldn’t know the difference. Not that I mind Dolly Parton, my favourite song is_ Jolene _. But it’s the fact that she stole my 45 in the first place. Vengeance will be mine however. Some way Somehow._

 _ ~~How are you doing these days?~~_ _What’s new in the wizarding world? I’ve had to cancel my_ Prophet _subscription, so I’m feeling rather out of the loop. I heard on the Muggle news today about a few families that have turned up dead supposedly from gas leaks, was that Death Eaters, or is Bristol really having gas problems? I can never tell._

_As for your apology Potter, consider it accepted. But if you really mean what you say about wanting to be a better man, well then you’re going to have to put your galleons where your mouth is. I’m currently devising your penance, so be prepared._

_Regards_

_Lily Evans_

The summer holiday in Cokeworth was dismal to say the least. When she wasn’t pretending that Lily didn’t exist, Petunia was taking every moment she could to brag about her boyfriend Vernon; how ‘he’s just been promoted’ or ‘he’s going to propose any day now!’ Not that Lily wasn’t happy for her sister, she was. But knowing that people were dying in the Wizarding world simply for standing up for people with Muggles for parents—people like Lily— that made it hard for Lily to get excited about anything as trivial as job promotions or impending engagements. The ephemeral life she lived here in her parents’ home began to bear down on her like an invisible weight. How long would she continue to come back here after she left Hogwarts?

Lily lay back on her bed, with James Taylor playing on her record player in the far corner of her room. In her left hand was a pack of cigarettes she had confiscated from Sirius Black before the end of term. She had been waffling in her mind for 30 minutes on whether or not she should light one. She plucked one out of the pack and rolled it between her fingers. She sniffed it, twirled it in the air once like she would her wand, then stuck it between her lips and lit up. Taking long drags from the cigarette, she sat upright and opened up three large tomes in front of her and began to re    ad.

Lily had spent the last two weeks pouring over these books and lycanthropy and healing potions and remedies. There was hardly anything in any of the potions books Lily could get her hands on that was remotely helpful in regards to the Wolfsbane Potion. All she’d been able to gather is that if brewed incorrectly, the drinker could die of aconite poisoning. Aconite, she knew was used in many stimulating potions like the Wide Eye Potion. Improper amounts of aconite however could cause the wolf to become more aggressive. Now the trouble was finding a way to dilute the side effects of the aconite in order to ease the pain of transformation without the aggression. She had begun a list of possible ingredients that could be used to temper aconite, but being an underaged witch living in a Muggle village meant that she couldn’t do any experimenting until she got back to Hogwarts.

Breaking her from her reverie, Lily heard a faint tapping on the glass of her window. She turned to once again see the Potter’s owl, a new scroll attached to his leg. Lily tamped out the remains of her cigarette on the window sill and proffered up her other arm for the owl to land on. She hoped against all hope that James had provided her with news from the other side.

 

_Dear Lily,_

_If you need help plotting your revenge against your sister, I am more than willing to offer my services. ~~I’m not the biggest Dolly fan, but whenever~~_ ~~Jolene _comes on Sirius’s wireless it always reminds me of you. Don’t tell Sirius though, he’ll never let me live it down._~~ _WE SHALL HAVE JUSTICE FOR DAVID BOWIE! JUSTICE FOR ALL OF YOUR RECORDS! JUSTICE!_

_Those Muggles in Bristol were killed by Death Eaters, but the MoM has yet to make a statement or anything about it because he wants us to “consider all sides.” Such bullshit, like we should really consider all sides when one side wants eradicate the other side that just wants to live! Sorry it just makes me so cross sometimes that people can’t see the bigotry that’s happening right under their noses. The Minister just wants to save his own neck and everybody knows it._

_I’m doing fine, by the way. Sirius and I have been helping Mum in her garden every morning and playing catch with the Quaffle until dusk. But then Remus showed up yesterday and he and Sirius are being all couple-y and gross, so now I feel like a third wheel. ~~Keep writing to me Evans! I have never been so lonely!~~ Peter’s off with his father on some grand adventure, and I mean besides the usual there’s not much going on here really._

_As for my punishment I do have a few suggestions that you should keep in mind. Spanking, Evans. Spanking is always good._

_Yours truly,_

_James_

_PS Who’s Shakespeare?_

_James,_

_You poor uncultured soul, how on earth have you gone so long without knowing who Shakespeare is? Do you know that he came up with so many of the words that we use today? Look at your elbow, Potter. Now, you understand that that bendy bit on your arm is called an elbow, without knowing any other name for it, yeah? That’s because of Shakespeare. Say “Thank you, Shakespeare.” Go on, say it._

_With this letter I am sending you my favorite Shakespeare play; please James, for the love of Merlin, educate yourself. Maybe he can keep you company while you’re third wheeling it up with Sirius and Remus._

_I understand how you’re feeling though, my parents have been trying to get me and Petunia to get along better by making her take me when she goes out on dates with her obtuse boyfriend Vernon. I mean I want Tuney to be happy and everything, but could she have picked a duller person to date? All he ever talks about his work or how the welfare system is ruining Britain, ‘and if people really want to change their situation, they’ll get a job instead of relying on decent working people to provide for them.’ Like how awful is that? I don’t know what Petunia sees in him to be honest, but I’m just laying low because I don’t want to start another fight._

_I figured the ‘Bristol Gas Leak’ (that’s what the Muggles are calling it) was caused by Death Eaters, but I had no way of confirming it. Thank you for telling me. I can’t understand why the Ministry won’t do anything about this. If it was any other group of magical beings, they would be calling for a round up of all those creatures in the name of ‘justice for the Muggles’ and the ‘Statute of Secrecy’ and all of that. But because it’s Pureblood wizards, we have to ‘consider all sides?’ What rubbish._

_Would you mind asking Sirius where he buys his cigarettes? I’m almost all the way through the pack I confiscated off of him at the end of term, but haven’t found them in any shops near me. Oh, and don’t worry Potter, your secret is safe with me. ~~That’s why I like Jolene too. Not a lot a songs out there about redheads.~~ Oh and give Remus my love._

_I’m starting to think that you’d find spanking as more of a reward than a punishment, so that simply won’t do. But fear not, I will come up with a punishment that truly befits your crimes._

_Lily_

This time, along with the scroll of parchment, Lily sent along a small paperback copy of _Much Ado About Nothing_. It was her favorite Shakespeare comedy. She loved the character of Lady Beatrice so much, and was constantly honing her wit so it was as razor sharp as Beatrice’s. Oddly enough, James reminded her of Benedick, the male counterpart to Beatrice. Not that Lily wanted to end up married to him, as Beatrice and Benedick did in the end of the play—the thought of marrying James Potter was simply absurd, but she enjoyed the way that James kept pace with her humor like no one else did. Severus had always accused Lily’s dry wit as her way of making him fun of him. The other girls in Lily’s year laughed occasionally, but many of Lily’s jokes went over their heads. Then there was James, the only one who could match wits with her and at times, though Lily would be loathe to admit it, actually have the upper hand. 

It took eight days for James to write her back. This time Lily was waiting at the window for Hendrix ( _Really James?_   She had thought when he mentioned in a letter the name of his owl) with a bag of owl treats and a saucer of fresh water. She carefully removed the scroll from his leg and the neat little package attached to his back. Inside the package she found her returned copy of _Much Ado_ along with a 45 by some band called the Ramones still in the shrink wrap and a pack of Cigarettes. Smiling, she set the book and record down and opened the letter.

_Lily,_

_I sincerely apologize for living up until now an uncivilized and uncultured swine, having no idea who Shakespeare was. The man was clearly a genius, thank you for enlightening me. I enjoyed_ Much Ado About Nothing _so much, I dragged Sirius and Remus with me into London so I could purchase more of his work. Have you read_ Othello? _I just finished it. I’ve got to say I don’t like it quite as much as the other one—Othello is a bit of a ponce, isn’t he? But Iago is a badass. I’ve been reading it aloud to Sirius and he’s convinced that Iago is the real hero of the story. And Desdemona, she didn’t deserve to die, did she? Like if Othello had just had faith in his wife instead of these blokes he barely knew than everything would be fine. What a twat._

_Why are your parents making you go with your sister on her dates? How is that going to make your sister like you more? If anything, she’ll probably be angrier at you. She’s older than you, right? So why are your parents sending you as a chaperone. And Vernon sounds like a twat. I don’t know your sister, but if she’s anything like you, then she deserves better than a twat._

_While I was out buying books I found this record and I’d thought you would like. I’m sorry it’s not Bowie, but the Ramones sound all right. They’re a new American band, and they remind me of The Clash, Do you like the Clash, Evans? Anyway tell me what you think of the Ramones._

_News from the wizarding world: apparently the Death Eaters are getting bolder. They’ve begun sending up a symbol of a snake and a skull above the houses of the people that they kill, so nobody can deny that it’s them who are doing the killing. “The Dark Mark” is what they’re calling it. Not very creative, but then again with a name like “Death-Eater” you can’t expect for too much, can you? And they’ve begun to hunt Muggle sympathizers as well. A lot of families are packing up and heading out of Britain. Sirius’ cousin Andromeda married a Muggle-born named Tonks (I think he was in 7 th year during our first), anyway they’ve had to put a Fidelius Charm on their house in order to escape the backlash from the rest of his family. He won’t admit it, but I know Sirius is worried about them. Andromeda and Tonks, I mean. Not the rest of his family. He says the rest of his family can “fuck off and die.”_

_I agree with you by the way. If it was Goblins or centaurs, or giants at the heart of this mess, the Minister wouldn’t hesitate to call them ‘evil’ or ‘terrorists.’ The Ministry should be doing more to denounce You-Know-Who’s following, even if it means purging their own ranks of the witches and wizards who follow him. I doubt it’s going to happen though. Imagine how it would make the Minister look to reveal that members of his staff are culpable in a Dark conspiracy. He won’t do anything to risk his position as Minister._

_I will happily take any and all punishment that you deem appropriate for my crimes, Lily. As long as it will put me in your good graces._

_Please write back soon, I look forward to your letters._

_James_

_PS Sirius says he cannot divulge his sources, but if you send back six Knuts with your return letter, he’ll keep sending you packs. Also he says he can’t believe ‘Saintly Lily Evans’ is a smoker._

 

Lily laughed at the post script. Leave it to Sirius Black to insult her while doing her a favour. It was also like Sirius to extort money from her. She set up the 45 that James had sent her in her turntable and soon found herself bopping along to the appropriately named song _Blitzkrieg Bop._ She played it over and over again until Petunia was banging on her wall telling her to “turn that noise down!” Relishing in her sister’s annoyance, Lily turned the volume knob barely a micrometer and said “Okay! I turned it down!” then laughed as Tuney screamed some more. She sat down and wrote another letter.

_James,_

_Tell Sirius he is a wanker and I will never understand how he snagged a sound bloke like Remus. But I’ve also thrown in his 6 Knuts, let him know that there’s more where that came from if he can continue to hook me up with cigarettes._

_Yes, Othello is a ponce, but that’s kind of the point. He worked so hard against the circumstances of his birth to get to where he was that his reputation became everything. Even marrying Desdemona was a power play. And when there was a chance that his reputation could be tarnished, he went into a frenzy and killed his wife, even though she had been nothing but faithful to him. And of course Sirius thinks Iago is the hero of the story, he’s quite the little mastermind himself, isn’t he? Anyway, if you liked_ Othello _you should read_ Hamlet _next._

_Thank you by the way for landing my side of this whole ‘Lily is a third wheel’ situation. I said exactly the same thing to my parents when they suggested it. If anything Tuney hates me more now, and since I can’t talk about my school, friends, or any part of my life as a witch in front of Vernon, he thinks I’m simple. Not that I give a damn about what Boring Vernon thinks, but I could run circles around him and he would still find me simple. And you sure hear the condescending things he says to my sister! Like just because she’s a woman she automatically needs things dumbed down for her? Oh and she just laps it up and doesn’t say anything even though I know she’s probably ten times as smart as he is. But she won’t listen to me. As much as I would like to mend things with my sister, I don’t know if it’s ever going to be possible. I think she will always see me as a freak. I’m an outsider in my own family. You’re sweet though, to think that my sister deserves better than Vernon, but oddly enough they suit each other._

_Also, I’m pretty certain that I love the Ramones, and yeah they do sound a bit like the Clash. I’m sending you back one of my favorites: The Who. Yes, I know they’re not up and coming like the Ramones, but just put on_ Baba O’Riley _and just try not to dance. If you can make it through without dancing or singing along, I owe you a galleon._

_Petunia quoted something to me the other day. She said she’d heard it from a ‘hippie freak’ (why is anyone interesting a freak in my sister’s eyes?). Anyway she said ‘We must be the change we wish to see in the world.’ I don’t know how Petunia took that, but I think it means that we’re not going to see any change in our lives if we don’t act to cause change. So maybe instead of just complaining how the Ministry is handling the Death-Eaters, maybe we have to do something about it ourselves. Did you know Arthur Weasley is working on legislation that helps to protect Muggle-borns and their families? I think that’s something I’d want to be a part of. I’m going to write to him and see how I can get involved._

_Write back soon,_

_Lily_

_PS. I have finally devised your punishment. Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and you must), to go the entirety of 6 th year without needlessly hexing someone, or bullying unsuspecting students just because you’re bored. If you can do this Potter, then you may consider yourself forgiven. You told me once that you wished to be a better man. I daresay that this is a good place to start._

As the days of summer passed slowly by, she found herself rereading all the letters that James had sent her. Somewhere along the line, she had come to treasure every line that he wrote. Not just the news from the wizarding world, but all of sudden she was concerned about how his day was, and whether his family was staying safe amidst all of these Death Eater attacks. They weren’t at the heart of the danger, being Pureblood and all, but as the violence escalated more and more pureblooded families who sided with Muggle-borns were turning up dead as well. She continued recommending Shakespeare plays for James to read. By August he had made it through _Much Ado About Nothing, Othello, Hamlet, MacBeth, Measure for Measure, Twelfth Night, The Merchant of Venice, A Midsummer Night’s Dream,_ and _Richard III._ She offered her criticism on each and often they had a two to three letter discourse about them. She had even laughed when James explained to her in elaborate detail the prank that he, Remus, Sirius, and Pettigrew were all planning for the Halloween feast.

She continued her quest for the perfect dilution of Wolfsbane, but had resigned herself to the fact that she wouldn’t be able to experiment until she got back to Hogwarts. How exactly she was going to test her potion, she didn’t know yet, but she was determined to perfect the Wolfsbane Potion for Remus before they left Hogwarts for good.

On a blistering hot day at the end of August, Hendrix arrived accompanied by one of the large Tawny owls that belonged to Hogwarts and Marlene McKinnon’s screech owl Johnny Rotten. Lily laughed when she realized that James and Marlene had both named their owls after musicians, because _of course they would_. She gave each of the owls water and treats before taking the letters they proffered up from their legs.

Her Hogwarts letter was much of the same: supply list, ticket for the Hogwarts Express, information on Apparition lessons and testing, and that she was to continue her duties as Prefect under the watchful eyes of the new Head Boy Benjy Fenwick, and Head Girl Emmeline Vance.  

She read Marlene’s letter next.

_Lils,_

_Hello Darling! Sorry I haven’t been in touch much this summer but holiday in Amsterdam has been unreal! I have so many things to tell you and so little parchment. Dorcas is dying to catch up; it’s all she can talk about, which makes romancing her rather difficult when all she wants to talk about is getting back to school. Oh, but don’t mention replicating charms or guinea pigs around Dorcas. It’s a long story, no time to explain._

_Listen, the gang’s all meeting up in Diagon Alley for the weekend and it just wouldn’t be the same without you there too. We’re all chipping in for some rooms at the Leaky Cauldron and then going to Kings Cross together on Wednesday. Anyway if you’re down, we’re meeting at Fortiscue’s at noon on Friday. Do try and make it Lils, we have LOADS to talk about._

_Love from,_

_Marlene_

_PS what’s this I hear about you keeping up correspondence with James Potter? Are you ill or has the whole world gone mad?_

Lily laughed. Though Marlene would never admit it out loud, she knew she had a flair for the dramatic and it was one of the things she loved about herself. She set Marlene’s letter aside and opened the one from James.

_Lily,_

_Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No I won’t because the summer’s day is Hell’s own creation, and you Fair Lily Evans, are anything but. Attempted flattery aside, I can’t even remember the last time it was this hot. What’s going on? Is the world on fire? Are we inside the devil’s arsehole? I’m perplexed._

_Sirius has told me to tell you that the manner in which he "snagged Remus" is none of your business, though I’ve come to believe there was a lot of bribery involved. Bribery including sex, or chocolate, or sex and chocolate. But now I’ve got an image of my mates having sex that I can’t get out of my head and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT, EVANS!_

_Anyway, we’re heading to Diagon Alley today for school things today, so I have to make this letter short. But I guess I’ll be seeing you on the train on Wednesday anyway. So in case I don’t see you until then, I’ve really enjoyed being your pen pal this summer. And don’t worry I’ll return your record and I promise it won’t be Dolly Parton. By the way, you don’t owe me a galleon, as you are right: it is impossible not to dance with_ Baba O’Riley _playing. I especially love the piano bit at the beginning ~~, and Sirius loves to air guitar, but don’t tell him I told you!~~_

_I looked up that quote you mentioned. It was said by someone named Mahatma Ghandi. Have you heard of him? For someone so against violence, this guy is a badass. He’s done some amazing things. Anyway I wish more people thought like you, about doing something to make change, instead of just complaining about change. You’re the kind of person that I can totally see fighting for Muggle-born rights. You’re so ~~stubborn~~ passionate, I fear for the ones who would dare to stand in your way. I wish I was half as brave as you are, Lily.  _

_See you soon,_

_James_

Lily must have read the last line of James’ letter a dozen times. The first time she had ever met James Potter he’d bragged about wanting to be in Gryffindor because it was where the “brave at heart” were sorted. She never thought he quite knew the difference between bravery and recklessness, because his behavior always tended to lean towards the latter. Yet here it was, written in his own hand: James Potter thought that she was braver than him.   

Maybe Marlene was right. Maybe the whole world truly had gone mad.


	3. The Last Days of Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta put some credit in for our good buddy Shakespeare   
> Much Ado About Nothing is a FANTASTIC comedy and I strongly recommend it.

On the Friday before the start of term Lily met her friends at Florian Fortiscue’s Ice Cream Shoppe in Diagon Alley. The group reunited cordially and reminisced about their respective holidays over slowly licked ice cream cones. Marlene and Dorcas relived their exploits across Amsterdam, and all of the debauchery they were able to legally partake in there. They alluded to some sort of international incident but swore that they couldn’t divulge any other details except that they may or may be not banned from the Netherlands.

 Mary had gone to visit family in Scotland and had spent most of her summer sheering sheep.

“And I couldn’t use magic!” she wailed. “You laugh now, but I swear if someone even _thinks_ about wearing wool anytime soon, I will vomit.”

“Oh c’mon Mary, it could have been that ba-a-a-a-ad.” Dorcas teased.

“Really Dorcas? A whole world of sheep and wool related humor and you that’s what you choose?”

“Well forgive me if I’m not a Master of Comedy like you, Evans.”

“Ugh, don’t call me Evans.”

“Now hold on,” said Marlene said, “Before we get off topic, what’s this I hear about you and James Potter being pen pals this summer?”

Lily could feel her cheek getting hot that had nothing to do with the sun. “Mind your own business.”

“Nope! No! Uh-uh” Dorcas protested with an imperious stab of her finger. “You must explain this new development! How is it that you good, sweet, kind, beautiful Lily Evans managed to become pen pals with James Potter, whom you have—on several occasions I might add—referred to as a “arrogant, bullying, toerag” and the “bane of your existence?”

“It’s not even that big of a deal,” said Lily. “My parents cancelled my _Prophet_ subscription, and you were all on holiday, and I was completely cut off from what was happening here. So when James Potter wrote me a letter, I seized an opportunity to gain information and I wrote back.”

“How romantic.” Said Mary drily.

“That’s not how Sirius made it sound,” argued Marlene. “He made it out that you were sending each other books and ‘tokens of affection.’”

“Since when are you in contact with Sirius Black?” asked Lily.

“He was my beard before I came out to my parents.” Said Marlene, with a lazy flick of her hand. “but don’t change the subject, Evans. Did James Potter send you a 45 record, or did he not?”

“He did, but only because I complained that Petunia had stolen my Bowie.” Lily rolled her eyes, “Honestly, you three are reading way too much into this.”

“Speaking of reading: did you or did you not send James Potter a book?” continued Marlene, the traitor.

“He didn’t know who Shakespeare was!” Lily replied impatiently. “I couldn’t let him go his whole life without knowing about Shakespeare, could I?”

But it seemed Marlene would not be deterred. “And you also sent him a record back. ‘One of your favorites,’ as Sirius put it.”

Lily didn’t know who she wanted to kill the most: Marlene, Sirius, or herself. She placed her head in one hand. “Yes. I sent him back _Baba O’Riley._ Are you done?”

Marlene leaned back in her chair and smirked, clearly pleased with herself. “Yes, I am done.”

“Ugh, good.” Lily stood up and stretched a little “I think I’m going to go hit up Flourish and Blotts before dinner.”

“Lily we have all weekend to purchase our school things,” Mary whined. “Besides, it’s such a lovely day out. Can’t we sit here just a little while longer?”

“Ooh,” said Dorcas with a wince “I think Old Mrs. Fortiscue is giving us the stink-eye for Bogarting their best table.” She pointed to a wizened old woman inside the shop who was staring angrily at the foursome. “Probably to get a move on.”

Despite Mary’s continued protests the girls got up, gathered their things, and moved on. Lily spent the next few hours poring over Flourish and Blotts’ collection of potions books and books on magical creatures. Along with her school books, she purchased two book on magical herbs and their properties in healing potions, and another on lycanthropes and their place in wizarding society. Marlene and Dorcas had to all but drag her out of the apothecary before she spent every last galleon she had on ingredients.

“I swear Lily, you’re the only person I know who geeks out this hard over potions.” Marlene teased, a firm hand on Lily’s upper arm, determined to keep her going back into the apothecary and purchasing a set of silver knives and other potion brewing implements.

“It’s just something I’ve been working on for Slughorn,” Lily lied. “He gave me an extra assignment since I’m taking his N.E.W.T.”

“Let me guess,” said Mary, scrunching up her face as if she was concentrating hard on something. “You received seven Outstanding marks, and one Exceeds Expectations, because we all know Potter topped Transfiguration.”

“Which,” interjected Dorcas, “brings us back to the fact that you haven’t finished telling us about your correspondence with James Potter.”

“You really like beating this horse, don’t you?” groaned Lily. “There’s not that much more to tell. Like I said, you were all on holiday, I was cut off from the magical world, and so James kept me up to date on everything going on here.”

“That’s not how Sirius put it,” Said Marlene with a sing-song tone as she examined the nails on her left hand. “He it was all rather soppy and disgusting, and apparently Potter spent hours reading Shakespeare just because you said you liked it. Ugh.” She shuddered. “Straight people.”

“Sirius Black is a drama queen who cannot keep his nose out of other people’s business.” Lily proclaimed. “You shouldn’t believe anything he says.”

“And methinks the lady doth protest too much,” teased Mary.

“The lady doth not. At least forty percent of that tale was pure fabrication.”

“And the other sixty percent?” asked Dorcas.

“Well I don’t have intimate details of what Potter was up to, do I?” Lily replied impatiently, “All he ever really told me about _his_ holiday was helping his mum in the garden, and being a third-wheel with Black and Remus.”

“I can totally picture James Potter in a pair of flowery gardening gloves and a big floppy sunhat.” Mary giggled.

“I bet Remus Lupin is hung like a horse.” Said Dorcas.

The other three girls stared at Dorcas in pure amazement.

“What? I bet he is.”

“Should I be worried?” Marlene threw her arm over her girlfriend’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

“Of course not! Lupin is completely besotted with Black, and I don’t like dick anyway.” Dorcas replied in a tone that implied she thought the whole idea was absurd.

The other three girls squealed with laughter. After browsing a few more shops, they headed back to the Leaky Cauldron. They took their dinner in the larger of the two rooms, eating in a circle on the floor.  As they ate and drank a bottle of elf-made wine, they talked and giggled and recounted various tales from their times at Hogwarts. Lily looked at her closest friends and smiled. She loved them more than anyone in the world. She knew that there weren’t going to be many more moments like this.

 It was bittersweet, they only had two more years living together at Hogwarts. Then they would go their separate ways to pursue careers and start families. Lily could see Marlene and Dorcas with a whole gaggle of children. Marlene loved to joke about adopting her “own merry band of misfits,” but joking aside Lily knew that after Marlene’s parents had disowned her, she wanted to help the children who nobody else wanted. Dorcas would be the career woman. Her aptitude for Arithmancy and Defense Against the Dark Arts made her an excellent candidate for the curse-breaker program at Gringotts. Mary wanted to pursue a career in Healing, and her caring nature made her perfect for it. Every group had a ‘mother’ type, and in theirs it was Mary.

Then there was Lily. She never thought herself as much of a soldier, but given everything that was happening in the magical world, she couldn’t imagine not doing something to help. She really did want to help Arthur Weasley with his Muggle Protections Act in any way she could. She didn’t know how she could turn that into a career, or if she would even be able to get a career in the magical world—let alone at the Ministry of Magic if Muggle-borns continued to be persecuted in the name of Pureblood supremacy.  

Marlene pulled two joints out of her bag and passed them around. Lily took deep drags and felt herself relaxing.

“Sorry, I know we said we were going to drop it, but,” Dorcas paused to take a drag, the end of the spliff sparking red. “I just don’t understand; are you and Potter friends now?”

Lily rolled her eyes. Were they _really_ going to go over this again? “I don’t know if I would call us ‘friends,’” she said, “But I wouldn’t go so far as to say we’re enemies either. I mean he infuriates me, but I think we’ve moved past me hating him.”

“James Potter fancies you,” Mary said matter-of-factly. She pulled Lily back so that she was lying down, her head in Mary’s lap, and Mary’s fingers carding through Lily’s hair. Mary always got cuddly when she was drunk.

“You’re exaggerating,” Lily protested, though how many times had someone made this claim to her? How many times had Severus said this very thing in order to get a rise out of her? Her other friends had only ever said it to her to tease or poke fun at her, but Severus would go on and on about it. And if she showed anything less than pure loathing for James Potter, he would sullen for days. Now that she thought of it, Lily wasn’t sure how much of her dislike for James had actually been genuine, and how much had been Severus projecting his hatred onto her.

“It’s not like James Potter is starving for attention,” Lily went on. “I’m sure there is a fleet of girls already queued up to ask him out for the first Hogsmeade weekend. Why would he need to waste his time with me?”

Dorcas gasped. “Do _you_ fancy him?”

Lily scoffed at the thought. “You’re high, Dorcas. Don’t be ridiculous.” Though even as the words left Lily’s mouth she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. She prayed that her friends would think it a side effect of the booze and smoke. They talked late into the night, and when they finally could no longer keep their eyes open, the four girls went to bed.

On the first day of September, Lily and her three friends packed their trunks with their brand new schoolbooks and clothes, said goodbye to Tom the barman, and made their way across London to Kings Cross station. To remain inconspicuous, each girl had used an extension charm on their purses so that their trunks could fit neatly inside instead of the girls having to drag them or have a cabbie deal with them. Compared to the unseasonably hot August they had had, the morning was crisp and cool. Lily pulled her jacket closer around her as she walked the London streets.

Kings Cross was bustling with people as the girls arrived with just fifteen minutes to spare. They kept an eye on the barrier between platforms nine and ten, waiting for the perfect moment that they could pass through without being seen by Muggles. As they stood on Platform 9 ¾ , Lily took in the familiar sight of the scarlet steam engine, and the cacophony of screeching owls, cats who were protesting being shut up in carriers, and families saying goodbye. On the other side of the platform she saw James and Sirius standing with their parents. A little farther off, she noticed Severus standing with Avery, Mulciber, Nott, and McNair. Anger and sadness welled up in her heart, and she turned away so she didn’t have to look at them. Instead she focused on her friends, who were busy hugging and reuniting with friends they hadn’t seen all summer. There was Alice Farley, the other 6th year Gryffindor girl who rounded out their dormitory party. She hadn’t been able to make their Diagon Alley visit, on account of spending a “rather extended holiday” with Frank Longbottom and his family. They all knew what that meant: Frank and Alice had been dating since third year, and were rarely seen out of the company of the other. They also hadn’t been able to keep their hands to themselves since early last year when Alice had given Frank her virginity.

 Aboard the train, Lily and her friends separated as she went to the prefects carriage and her friends went off to find a compartment of their own. 

“Hello Lily.” Emmeline called, her head sticking out the door of the prefects carriage. 

“Hi Emmeline. Congrats on making Head Girl.” Lily joined Emmaline in the compartment and hugged her. Emmeline’s appointment to Head Girl had been inevitable. Ever since her arrival at Hogwarts, Emmeline had been a no-nonsense student. She excelled in every subject and already had an apprenticeship at the Ministry lined up for when she finished her schooling. Lily knew that she would be firm, but reasonable when it came to enforcing rules at Hogwarts, and couldn’t wait for Emmeline’s tenure as Head Girl to begin.

Lily said hello to all the old and new prefects and congratulated Benjy as well. But as the time to start the meeting came near, she noticed Remus was absent from the carriage.

“Lily,” Emmeline said with a shake of her head and a roll of her eyes, “Would you go find Remus and bring him back for the meeting please?”

“Why me?” Lily asked indignantly.

“Because you’re the other 6th year Gryffindor prefect.” Answered Benjy. “I figured that was obvious.”

Lily sighed and made her way to the back of the train where she was sure to find Remus, James, Sirius and Peter. Sure enough they had a compartment to themselves and were busy sorting through the sweets they must have just purchased from the trolley. Lily cracked the door open and stuck her head in.

“Remus, Emmeline and Benjy sent me to bring you to the Prefects—”

“What,” said James, interrupting her, “My dear Lady Disdain, are you yet living?”

A small bubble of laughter escaped Lily’s lips. Had he really just quoted _Much Ado_ at her? Two could play this game.

“Is it possible disdain should die with such meat food to feed it as James Potter?” she asked, substituting James’ name for Benedick’s. “Curtesy itself must turn to disdain when you are in her presence.”

“Then is curtesy a turncoat.” James replied. Then turning his attention to Sirius he added, “She speaks poniards, and every word stabs.” James placed his hand over his heart as if Lily had shot him through with an invisible arrow.

“What?” said Sirius. He clearly didn’t get the joke. Peter said nothing but his head bounced between looking and James and looking at Lily as if he were watching a tennis match.

Lily laughed again, and so did Remus. He obviously understood the reference. Lily remembered him telling her once on a patrol that his mother had read Shakespeare to him when he was young and sometimes bedridden for weeks at a time. Only now she realized that it must have been because of his transformation and a blow of sadness struck her in the gut.

 Lily turned to Remus. “Against my will I am sent to bid you come to the prefects meeting.”

“Fair Lily,” replied Lupin, “I thank you for your pains.”

“I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to thank me,” said Lily. “If it had been painful I would not have come.”

“You take pleasure then in the message?” asked James eagerly.

“Yea,” said Lily, “just as much as _you_ may take upon a knife’s point. Fare you well.”

She stepped out of their compartment and closed the door behind her. As she did so, she heard James proclaim with a stupid grin on his face, “There’s a double meaning in that!”

She had to bite her fist to stifle the yelp of laughter as Sirius asked “What just happened?”

Lupin chuckled and placed a kiss on the tip of his boyfriend’s nose. The act itself surprised Lily because she never would have guessed that Sirius Black from “The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black” would be one to ever allow anyone to kiss him on the nose. She turned away to hide her amusement. She heard Remus tell Sirius to “never mind” then felt the compartment door open and then Remus was at her elbow and they were walking back to the Prefects carriage.

“So,” said Lupin once they were a little ways down the corridor, “Shakespeare, huh?”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” asked Lily.

“Oh, nothing,” he replied, smirking. “I just find it interesting that the first Shakespeare play you chose to share with him was the one that reminds me the most of the two of you.”

“Ugh,” Lily groaned. “You’re as bad as Marlene and Dorcas. Can’t you all just give it a rest?”

“Fine, but know this: I’ve been quoting Shakespeare at James for years, and he never even showed an interest until you mentioned it to him.” Remus shrugged. “You’re the only person he would willingly read a book for.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“No I’m not.”

They argued like this the entire way back to the Prefects carriage. The meeting itself was fairly short as Benjy and Emmeline explained their expectations for the term. With the attacks on Muggle-borns becoming more and more popular, all the Prefects were assigned to extra patrols. The caretaker, Sunderhill, had sent them an updated list of banned substances and objects, which included Dungbombs and Filibuster’s Fireworks. As always, curses, hexes, and jinxes were banned in the corridors. This rule was always the hardest to enforce, without using magic themselves. Benjy and Emmeline were adamant that Prefects were to “set the example” for their fellow students, giving a not too subtle look at Remus, who blushed. Prefect or not, it was no secret that Remus could be just as much of a troublemaker as Sirius and James.

After the meeting, the prefects were given sections of the train to patrol. Thankfully, Lily and Remus were assigned to separate sections of train so she didn’t have to endure his probing questions about her non-relationship with James.  She patrolled along the train, periodically poking her head in compartments and checking on her fellow students. As the train got closer to Hogwarts, Lily ducked into an empty compartment to change into her robes.  For the first time since she boarded the Hogwarts Express, Lily joined her friends in their compartment and stayed with them for the remainder of the journey.

At long last, the train pulled up to the station in Hogsmeade. The village was a welcome sight to Lily: she saw the smoke rising from the chimneys of the homes and heard the raucous laughter coming from the open door at the Three Broomsticks. As she and her friends were buffeted along towards the carriages that would take them up to the castle, Lily heard the familiar voice of Hagrid calling.

“Firs’ years! Firs’ years, over here please!”

She watched the trembling first years gather around Hagrid who towered over them, their oversized guardian. Just then she felt Mary grip her hand and pull her to an empty carriage where she, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, and Frank all clambered inside.

“I’m starved,” Lily groaned. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast, I can’t wait for the feast.”

The others laughed at her declaration, but were silenced quickly when Lily’s stomach growled loudly, as if to prove that she wasn’t joking.

“So,” said Mary, breaking the silence, “did you see any more of Potter?”

Lily buried her face in her hands as suddenly five pairs of eyes were on her, “Are _any_ of you going to let this go any time soon?”

“No,” they chorused.

Lily looked up at Alice, who was tucked securely under Frank’s arm. “I take it they’ve filled the two of you in?”

“Yeah, we’re up to speed.” Confirmed Alice.

“For fucks sake, is there anyone who you’re _not_ going to tell?”

Marlene considered for a moment. “No, not until you at least entertain the notion that you like Potter.”

“I will not be entertaining shit.” Lily declared, though she felt her face betraying her yet again.

“Then why are you blushing?” asked Dorcas, not missing a beat.

“Because I’m angry and I fucking hate all of you.” Lily growled. Then thinking better of it, she turned to Alice and Frank, “Not you guys, you’re innocent in all of this. In fact, Frank if you can promise that none of this gets back to your roommates, there seems to be an opening for both of you as my new best friends, as these three” she glared at the other occupants of the carriage, “Have just been demoted.”

Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas pretended to be offended. Frank cleared his throat.

“I learned a long time ago that there are some things that are just none of my business, and I should stay out of them. This appears to be one of those.”

Lily sighed, relieved. “Thank you Frank.”

Frank held up his hands. “Like I said, none of my business.”

Thankfully, the carriage pulled to a stop at the entrance of the castle, which brought all conversations to an end as Lily and her friends became occupied with grabbing their belongings and placing them in the Entrance Hall to be brought up to their dorms. Then Lily avoided conversation by making a beeline for the Gryffindor Table, hoping that the Sorting would be quick and the Feast would begin soon.

As she rushed past students still depositing their trunks and various animals in the Entrance Hall, she tripped and fell headlong into the arms of an unsuspecting student.

“Sorry,” she said, “Lost my footing ther— oh fucking hell.” She looked up, right into the hazel eyes of James Potter. Time stopped for a moment as Lily stared up into his face with its Cheshire cat grin. How long had she been in his arms? Seconds, minutes, or hours?

“Easy there, Evans.” He said, though he made no efforts to right her. He had one hand on her shoulder and the other hand low on her back. He stayed there for another moment and grinned at her and Lily’s stomach did a somersault.   _James has really nice teeth_. “Term hasn’t even started yet, and I’m already sweeping you off your feet.”

Lily sobered quickly. She gripped James’ arms and used the leverage to right herself. “Not even in your dreams, Potter.”

“On the contrary, Evans, I sweep you off your feet plenty in my dreams. Among other things.”

Lily felt her face flush with heat. “Ugh, you’re so, so—”

“Handsome? Charming? I saw you looking before, nothing to be ashamed of,” he struck a pose like an underwear model and glanced back over his shoulder, “I am here for your viewing pleasure.”

Lily found herself taking deep calming breaths. How could she have thought that a summer’s correspondence would have any effect on James’ behavior at school? He was still the same incorrigible arse he had always been.  She poised herself to bolt off again, but James kept a hand on her shoulder, and Lily’s traitorous stomach did another somersault.

“Before you leave,” he reached into his bag, pulled out her copy of _Baba O’Riley_ , and handed it to her. “Figured I should give this back to you.”

“Th-thanks.” She stuffed the record into her bag, the extension charm she’d put on it that morning absorbed the item deep into its depths. Lily decided to take an interest in her shoes in order to keep herself safe from anymore of James’ smiles. Tucking an invisible strand of hair behind her ear, she hurried off in the direction of the Great Hall.

James called after her. “Did my heart love before now, forswear it sight, for I never saw true beauty till this night.”

Lily groaned as her body once again betrayed her a flush creeping up her cheeks and her stomach giving yet another somersault. They had not talked about _Romeo and Juliet_ during all of their letters discussing Shakespeare. He had found that one on his own. Lily felt deep in her soul the hellish portents of what this term would hold in store for her. Her friends were never going to let her live this down.


	4. Under the Light of the Harvest Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first month back at Hogwarts is a little rough on our heroes.
> 
> Please pay no attention to the chapter titles. I hate making those up almost as much as I hate titling my work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So A lot of this fic was inspired by the HP fic and RP community on tumblr. I mean A LOT of this fic. But for this particular chapter (and probably a few others) I want to give a shout out to Tara (wolfstarpups90 on AO3 captofthesswolfstar on tumblr) because Oh my god I can't even put into words how much her work has inspired me. Like if you haven't read her stuff yet you need to.

The first few weeks of her sixth year flew by so quickly Lily wasn’t entirely convinced that there wasn’t some kind of time warp enchantment on the castle. She had expected her classes to get harder now that she was in N.E.W.T level courses, but even that was an understatement for the amount of distress her classes were causing her. Every teacher now required the students to practice non-verbal magic in and out of class. Lily had mastered it just fine, but often found it hard to remember to practice it in her out of class studies. The homework given by each of the seven N.E.W.T classes she was taking had started to pile up around her, and even with weekends and two free periods a day, Lily still feared that eventually the work would consume her.

This is how she found herself snapping at James Potter on a particular Tuesday afternoon.  She’d found him using his break period to transfigure the teacups in the common room into mice and was having them race the sugar bowl across the table.

“Do you ever take anything seriously?” She hissed. She had stormed into the common room, slamming her books down on a deserted table so she could start working on Slughorn’s essay about the common properties of love potions. She’d planned to add her own opinions the questionable legality when she looked up and her favorite mug was now a mouse.

“I try not to Evans.” James commented with a flick of his wand.  He was sprawled across one of the sofas, one leg dangling off the side and his non-wand arm tucked behind his head. “Where would I be if I took everything seriously, I’d end up just like you, uptight and miserable.”

“I am not uptight!” hissed Lily, hastily crossing out a mistake in her essay. She had been writing about the effects of pearl dust in love potions, and instead had written ‘plural dust.’

“Wow,” said James, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “you almost had me convinced there, Evans.”

“Oh my God, WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST?!” she shrieked. “I know you manage to get top marks without having to put forth any actual effort, but not all of us are as _naturally gifted_ as you, Potter!” she gestured to her books, “Some of us _actually have to study_! And you’re making it damn hard for me to do so whilst you’re behaving like a child!”

Lily screamed in frustration. She had had her wand clutched tightly at her side, and her outburst caused row of teacups on a far shelf to shatter. She swore, waving her wand to repair the teacups. How long had it been since her emotions had caused her to perform uncontrollable magic? _Now who’s behaving like a child?_

James stared at her for a while unmoving; it was almost as if he were afraid that any movement might set Lily off again. Then he slowly rose from his spot on the sofa, careful not to make any noise that would disturb her. He walked around to her table, hands up like in a Muggle police drama, to indicate that he meant no ill intent, and sat down back to front in the chair next to hers.

“Evans,” he said, “I’m sorry I called you uptight, and I’m sorry for whatever it was that I did that disturbed your studies in the first place. And I’m sorry for continuing to bother you now.”

Lily sighed and put her head down on the table. All she wanted more than anything in the world was a cigarette and a nap. “I’m sorry I yelled.” She gestured again to the mountain of books and parchment she had scattered on the tabletop. “I’ve just never been this stressed out about classwork before.”

James chuckled and placed a tentative hand on Lily’s shoulder. Lily’s stomach somersaulted like it had that night in the Entrance Hall. “You know, if you need a study buddy…”

Lily rolled her eyes, though with her head down she doubted James had even noticed it. “Let me guess, you want to help me study?”

“You said it yourself Evans, I’m ‘naturally gifted’. Plus,” he rummaged through Lily’s papers, “Ah yes, here we go, I’ve already finished McGonagall’s assignment on Gamp’s Laws of Elemental Transfiguration. I’ll just let you copy my answers.”

Lily’s head picked up slightly off the table. “Would you really?”

James looked surprised. “Wow, I didn’t actually think you were going to take me up on that. You’re always so self-righteous when it comes to your studies. But yeah, you can totally copy my answers here—” he rummaged through her papers again. “I’ve also got Astronomy, Herbology, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. But you’ll have to do Potions on your own. You’re better at it than me anyway. Let’s see—I don’t take Care of Magical Creatures anymore, and then what’s this? Foreign and Magical Languages? I didn’t even know that was a course Hogwarts offered.”

“I’m not self-righteous.” Lily grumbled. “And I’m better than you at everything except Transfiguration.”

James chuckled again. “Of course you are Evans.”

Lily found herself wanting to challenge James. She sat up straight, her eyes gleaming, her veritable mountain of homework laid on the table forgotten.  “I’m what, Potter? Self-righteous or better than you at everything?”

James laughed, a loud full belly laugh. “Oh no Evans, I’m not going near that one.”

“Say it, Potter! Say that I’m better than you at everything.”

James got close to Lily so their faces were almost touching. Lily could hear her heart pounding in her ears. She smelled something on James that was familiar but she didn’t know the name of. James was so close. “Not on your life Evans.”

“Okay,” Lily said, “On your own head be it.” And without another word James Potter was on the receiving end of a tickling jinx. James doubled over and fell to the floor in a fit of laughter. Lily smirked from where she sat above him. “You were saying?”

James could barely get his words out due to the tickling. “No- fair- hahaha-using-heh-nonverbals!” His eyes were streaming with tears, and his glasses had been knocked askew. “Tha-haha-hat’s cheating-Evans!”

“Well whatever gave you the idea I was going to play fair?” asked Lily, “I just agreed to copy your homework. I think that proves I’m willing to bend the rules a little.”  She raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow at him. “Still think I’m self-righteous?” Lily gave her wand a little flick and the tickling jinx was lifted off him.

Still shaking from some residual laughter, James got to his feet. “With every fiber of my being, Evans. Not—” he held his hands up in surrender, lest she hit him with another tickling jinx “that I think that’s a bad thing.” He tousled his hair. “It’s what makes me certain that you are going to accomplish anything you set your mind to.”

Lily gasped. How had she gone from being infuriated by James to being flattered in one sitting? And why was the idea that James Potter could so easily flatter her so irritating?

“I mean just look at you, Evans. You’re taking seven advanced level class—one I had never even knew existed, but for what I can only assume is to assist in your noble crusade to bring the magical community together. You are so driven to do good for others. I’ve seen how you are with the people you care about: you nurture them like a mother hen, but you’re a goddamn lioness when it comes to protecting them.

“Evans, if I could pick one word to describe you, it would be goodness. You defy the expectations of your birth set up by the antiquated beliefs of the elitist few in the wizarding community, and you master every subject that you pursue. You take the fact that there is so much hate and cruelty in our world these days and you try to lessen that by being kind and gentle to everyone.”

James tousled his hair again, that perpetually untidy mop. “I’m not saying you’re perfect, Evans. Merlin knows you have your flaws: you’re stubborn, infuriating, and yes, self-righteous and uptight. But that doesn’t stop you from being the kindest, smartest, and bravest person I’ve ever met.”

Lily’s mouth fell open. James thought _she_ was infuriating? Had he met himself? And where was all of this coming from, anyway? Why was James choosing now to bare these feelings to her? And why was her stupid traitorous stomach doing flips every damn time he smiled at her?

“Careful there, Signior Mountanto.” She said after a moment’s silence, choosing to call him instead by her chosen nickname for him since that day on the train. “Keep on like that, and people are going to think you’re in love with me or something.”

She turned on her heel and ran up the stairs to the Girls’ Dormitory, leaving a bewildered James and all of her schoolwork back at the table in the Common Room.

James sighed as he watched Lily’s figure retreating to the dormitory. “Oh my dear Lady Disdain,” he whispered, knowing Lily would never hear him. “I do love nothing in the world so much as you.”

Upon entering the dormitory she flung herself down on her bed. She was so tired, this had to be some side effect of her exhaustion. She would skive off Care of Magical Creatures for one day and take a nap. Hopefully by the time she woke up the world would have righted itself.

 

As the first full moon of the term drew closer and closer, Lily found herself paying more and more attention to Remus’ disposition and behavior. Each passing day she watched as he got paler and weaker. The morning of the full moon, when she noticed that Remus had not come for breakfast, she marched herself up to the 6th year boys dormitory. Without knocking, she threw open the door and found Remus doubled over a basin, his body heaving as he vomited.

“Oh Remus! Oh God, let me help—” She moved toward Remus’ bed, but a low growling stopped her. “What the—”

A large black dog was poised at the end of his bed, baring his teeth and growling at Lily.

“Padfoot,” moaned Remus, “Enough. She can help.” The dog stopped growling and let her pass. Lily sat down beside Remus and smoothed his hair back from his forehead.

“Oh Remus, I’m so sorry.” She murmured. She rubbed his back as he retched again. “How can I help?”

James came barging in, arms laden with vials of potions ingredients. “Madame Pomfrey is swamped. Apparently one of the first years blew up the Potions lab and the fumes of whatever she had been brewing caused half the first year class to sprout tails.” He dropped the contents onto a bed. “But she sent the stuff we need. Better yet, Potions classes are cancelled for the rest of the week.”

Lily leapt into action, “What are we brewing?”

“I appreciate your desire to help Evans, but I have this sorted.”

“Oh please,” said Lily. “You’ve always been shit at Potions, Potter.”

James was offended. “I’ll have you know that I’m perfectly adept at Potions, thank you very much, Evans.”

Lily looked up from the spot where she had been setting up her cauldron and sorting through the ingredients—a mixture of the ones James had brought from the Hospital Wing and some of her own. “Not compared to me.”

James looked like he was going to argue, but another massive retch from Remus resolved him. “Anti-nausea tonic first, then a sleeping draught.” He said.

Without another word, Lily set to work cutting, mixing, and brewing a perfect anti-nausea tonic. It took little to no time, as the potion was a basic brew she learned in her first year. She worked quickly and deftly as James helped clean the sick off of Remus and change him into a new shirt. As he changed, Lily saw the scars that usually poked out above his collar extended down his chest and torso. Just above his left hip was a scar, one which had to be from the bite that turned him. It was raised, red, and angry: looking as fresh as if he had been bitten yesterday. Lily swallowed and turned her attention back to the now finished potion. While she ladled some into a goblet for Remus to drink, James came and peered over her shoulder.

“What’s that smell?” he asked.

“Ginger root. It’s an old remedy for nausea that wizards forget sometimes. You add about this much,” She held up her thumb and forefinger about two centimeters apart, “to an anti-nausea tonic and it starts working in half the time and is effective twice as long.”

“How’d you know about that?”

“Muggles have been using ginger root for centuries to cure stomach problems. I think that’s why wizards overlook it sometimes. ‘Something so simple that _Muggles_ use it can’t _possibly_ have use to _wizards._ ’” Lily scoffed.

The dog whined low in its throat.

“Hush Padfoot,” said James. “Sorry, he doesn’t have very good manners.”

“He’s just protective,” added Remus, the thinnest amount of color returning to his cheeks. “Thank you Lily. That really helped.”

Lily smiled and poured the rest of the potion into a bottle, which she corked and set on a night stand. She then set to work on the Sleeping Draught. “Is it always like this?” she asked as she crushed sprigs of lavender into a mortar.

“Varies,” Lupin replied with a wince. “Most times, it’s like a bad flu, and other times…” his voice trailed off, whether it was from pain or contemplation Lily didn’t know. “Other times it’s like the wolf is right under my skin waiting to rip me apart.”

Lily felt profound sadness for her friend. She didn’t want to think about the pain and lonliness he must have to endure. She scooped the paste she had made of the lavender and flobberworm mucus out of the mortar and into the cauldron. “And what is it this time?”

Remus winced again. “A bit of both.” His head slumped back against his pillows and his breathing became labored. He patted the bed beside him. “Padfoot, come.” Without hesitation, the dog jumped onto the bed and settled itself on Remus’ legs so that its head was nestled on his chest.

“How did you manage to get permission to have a dog in here anyway?” the question was barely out of Lily’s mouth when James and Remus burst into laughter. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” giggled James. He could barely get his answer out between bursts of hysterical laughter. “The dog—is the closest—the closest thing to the wolf—he has a—oh god—he has a _calming_ effect on our Moony here.” He and Remus dissolved into giggles again.

Whatever the joke was, Lily clearly had missed it, so instead she returned to the Sleeping Draught. The light shade of lilac indicated that the brew was ready for Lily to add Valerian root. She took her time meticulously chopping the roots into equal pieces before adding them to the cauldron. Almost instantaneously, the liquid darkened to a deep violet.

“Now it just need to simmer for an hour,” she said to nobody in particular.

James sat up from where he had been lying beside Remus. “I’ll go down to the kitchens and get us some food. Any requests?”

“No sardines,” said Lily at the same time Remus said, “Roast beef.”

“Okay,” said James.

“See if you can get the House-elves to give you some roast chicken for Padfoot.”Said Remus

“And some chamomile tea.” Added Lily.

“Bit early for chamomile, isn’t it?”

“I want to try something,” said Lily. “Unbrewed chamomile tea leaves, if you can. Don’t let the House-elves punish themselves if they can’t find any.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it Evans. I’ll be back in a jiff.” He disappeared through the door, and didn’t say anything else.

Remus rolled on his side to face Lily. “I see the gears in your head spinning, Lily.”

Lily’s eyes flashed with excitement. “You said the aconite helps with your transformation, right? It dulls the pain?”

Remus looked bewildered. “Yeah, what are you thinking?”

“So I researched how the wizards working on the Wolfsbane Potion were trying to successfully use aconite to ease pain during werewolf transformation. But the problem that the potioneers keep running into is the fact that aconite is a stimulant, and it can often cause the wolf to become even more aggressive. So my theory is that we pair the aconite with something calming like chamomile—or a Sleeping Draught—”

“Temper the aconite to stave off the aggressive side effects.” Remus finished for her. “That’s pretty ingenious.”

 “We’d have to do it in stages: adding a little more aconite each full moon. But there are risks involved and you have a right to know them. If not tempered correctly, the werewolf becomes too aggressive and lash out even more so than before.” Lily swallowed hard, “If the potion itself is not properly brewed, you could suffer aconite poisoning. It’s… almost always fatal. Look, you don’t have to indulge me on this if you think the risks are too much. I don’t want you to do this unless you absolutely want to.”

Remus leaned back against his pillows. Staring at the ceiling, his hand ran absentmindedly over the dog’s head. The dog whined and snuggled closer to Remus. Remus’ breathing was labored, but it had been a while since he had had to vomit, so Lily took that as a small win. Score one for her anti-nausea tonic. After a prolonged silence, Remus spoke.

“You are the smartest witch I know, Lily,” His voice was soft, barely above a whisper. “There is nobody better I would trust my life to.” Lily’s heart soared. “but the risks involved…I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of the wolf…because of me.”

Lily’s disappointment was palpable, but she understood. As curious as she was and as good her intentions, the last thing she wanted was someone to be hurt as the result of her satisfying her  burning curiosity.

“It was a shot in the dark anyway.” She said with a casual shrug of her shoulders, “I understand.”

“Lily, it was a brilliant idea, and you have been so kind to want to help me.” Remus smiled weakly. “Not everyone would show me the kindness you have. Most wizards would rather have someone like me locked away, or worse.”

“Most wizards are idiots.” James had returned from the kitchens with an actual picnic basket in hand. Lily assumed it must be full of food. James handed each of them a plate and then set a fourth plate—this one piled high with chicken legs on the floor for the dog. The dog leapt off the bed and attacked the mountain of drumsticks, gnawing at the bones after stripping them of their flesh. James then handed Lily a sandwich that was identical to his own, which turned out to be a delightful mix of vegetables.

“Not a fan of meat, James?”

He chuckled. “No, I went vegetarian in fourth year after a particularly nasty full moon, when I watched Remus devour an entire rump roast on his own. He gets just a tad more carnivorous during this time, eh Moony?”

Remus looked up from where he had been shoveling roast beef into his mouth. His cheeks were stretched not unlike a chipmunk’s as they were stuffed with food as well. Lily wasn’t sure whether to be amused or revolted.

“Anyway, ever since then I haven’t been able to eat meat without feeling sick.” James finished with a large bite of his sandwich. “The House-elves are great though, always willing and able to accommodate my needs. Try it. It’s really good.” He took another bite and smiled, a piece of spinach in his teeth. Lily giggled and took another bite. It was rather good.

The Sleeping Draught was finally ready. Lily scooped it out of the cauldron and into a cup so Remus could drink it like a tea. She had added the chamomile James had brought her back and a bit of spearmint into the brew for an extra calming effect. Remus drained the cup in one and almost instantly, his eyelids drooped and his breathing evened out. He was asleep.

James had been leaning one of the posts of Remus’ bed. Now that Remus was asleep, he stood up and stretched. The hem of his shirt rose up to reveal several inches of sun-browned skin. He must have spent at least a portion of his summer holiday without a shirt. Lily turned her focus back to the remains of the Sleeping Draught. She did _not_ need to be thinking about James Potter shirtless at a time like this. She bottled the rest of her cauldron’s contents and placed them on the night stand next to the anti-nausea tonic.

“So, I should probably go,” Lily tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I’ve missed all my morning classes, I should at least try and go to my afternoon ones.”

“You do have a reputation to uphold.”

“That I do.” Lily agreed. “I can’t really be ‘the brightest witch in 6th year’ if I’m skiving off classes.”

Without warning, James wrapped Lily in a hug. Lily stood rooted to the spot, cautiously debating whether or not she should hug him back. His arms were strong on her back and his body was warm. Lily had never been hugged like this: as if an immeasurable weight had been lifted off of James’ shoulders. He held her like every moment she was in his arms was a gift. She knew she needed to leave, but didn’t want to disturb James from whatever moment he was having.

“Thank you, Lily,” he said into her shoulder. “You don’t know what this means to Remus. What it means to all of us.”

Lily said nothing in reply, but lifted her arms so she could pat James softly on the back. She had never seen James—or any of the Marauders for that matter—this vulnerable before. Where was this coming from?

After what felt like an eternity, and simultaneously no time at all James released Lily with a smile and a gentle squeeze to her shoulders. Lily felt like someone had struck her over the head with a brick.

“Now go and make us proud by being absolutely brilliant.”

Lily smiled and heaved her bag over her shoulder, “Well if that’s all it takes, then you should constantly be holding parades in my honor. Because I’m always brilliant.”

A smile that was positively wicked appeared on James’ face. Lily sobered.

“Oh no, I’ve given you an idea, haven’t I?”

“I’m not telling, Evans. Now run along or you’ll be late to class.” He placed a hand at the small of her back—a gesture that would normally have earned him a slap across the face, and guided her out the door.

That night at sunset, Lily climbed up on the roof of Gryffindor Tower. If any spot was going to give her a decent view of the Whomping Willow, this was it. As she waited for the moon to rise, Lily lit up a cigarette and took a few heavy drags. The twilight cast an ominous glow on the forbidden forest, but from her perch she could see Professor Scamander and Hagrid making their way into the clearing, each carrying what appeared to be a large bucket of raw meat. Lily wondered if the rumor of a litter of werewolf pups being released into the forest was true. If so, was this the reason they were taking raw meat into the forest? Everything Lily had read on the subject of werewolf mating seemed to suggest that the offspring of such an encounter would be abnormally intelligent, but otherwise indistinguishable from a true wolf. Surely they didn’t still need to be fed.

If Lily hadn’t been looking for them, she would have missed the Marauders’ arrival entirely. She watched as they approached the Whomping Willow. James and Sirius immobilized a few of the branches so Peter could sneak through and press a knot at the base of the willow’s trunk, and the tree became completely still. Remus slipped down and disappeared through a hole in the roots that must have been the entrance to the secret passage he had described. Then, much to Lily’s horror, the other three boys began to strip off their clothes. She ought to look away, each of the boys was now completely naked, though none of them seemed to be taking any issue with it. Lily’s cheeks grew hot; even though there was no way the boys could see her, she was embarrassed for being unable to stop looking.

Peter was the first to transform. Crouching low, his body twisted and writhed until instead of a sixteen year old boy, a brown rat sat in his place. Lily gasped; everything suddenly made sense. They were Animagi: James, Sirius, and Peter. It was how they could stay with Remus without being attacked. Werewolves weren’t aggressive around other animals, so to help their friend they became animals. The Transfiguration involved in becoming an Animagus was such advanced magic, there were only 6 registered Animagi in existence. How had they managed it? Lily didn’t know whether to be appalled or impressed.

Lily sat transfixed, the boys had finished their changes. Sirius was the large, shaggy black dog that had been keeping Remus company all day. Lily laughed, how had gone all morning without completely oblivious to the fact that Sirius and Padfoot were one and the same? Surely she had heard or thought she’d heard wither Remus or James call him by that name before.

James had transformed into a stag. His black fur gleamed in the moonlight. Each one of his large antlers had eight points to it. _Eight_ _Prongs_ Lily thought to herself. She was an idiot; the answer had been there in front of her eyes for ages. She would have realized a lot sooner had she been paying attention. The stag James stood sentry at the tree whilst Sirius and Peter disappeared through the passageway. He stood tall, proud, and beautiful; Lily thought she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life.

In the distance Lily heard a mournful howling. Remus must have transformed. She could understand why the locals called the ruin “The Shrieking Shack.” From this far off, Lily could see how the howling of a werewolf could be mistaken for the wailing of a ghost. The stag James shuffled uneasily at the base of the Willow. Lily’s heart broke for him. Knowing James, she knew he would want to be there for his best friend. She also knew how pragmatic he was, and since deer were understandably sensitive to danger, James would know why he would be the perfect lookout and insist that he stay behind. Lily recalled a moment from the summer where she read about stags in a book by a North American wizard. According to the lore, stags were supposed to represent protection and strength.

Protector: that summed up James in a single word. Now that he had stopped hexing random students at every turn, Lily had noticed how fiercely protective he was of his friends.  Even more so, he protected the younger students. She hadn’t missed that he had switched from pranking first years who got lost in the castle’s many corridors to stopping and giving them accurate directions to wherever they needed to go.

As Lily stared out onto the scene where James stood guarding his friends, she knew what she had to do. _Protect them_ she thought to herself. _Protect their secret at all cost._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. It's not much but I wanted to give you guys an update. Thanks again to Tara for inspiring me. 
> 
> Also if you want to come and scream at me about fandom things on tumblr, my url is ohmygodnighttroll.


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